The articles below are parodies to illustrate what idiots some toxicologists can be when they base consumer safety advice just on the fact that a particular chemical occurs in a product. These scientists often do not have a clue that the chemicals they are maligning form part of our world, and are vital for our survival. These 'experts' are often only interested in fooling Governments into funding useless research so they can spend lots of time talking nonsense at International conferences and making big bucks as a result.

Our problem is these scientists (frequently also getting funding from International pharmaceutical companies), are listened to by advisors to regulators, and as a result, the public are fast loosing access to all kinds of natural remedies.

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Target of alert: All who use the sea for pleasure and work.

An urgent EU directive is being formulated due to concerns of sea water bathing:

After investigating world wide scientific literature, the Commissions scientific advisers have advised that there could be a risk of toxicity following exposure to sea water. The reasons for this concern are:-

1. Sea water contains a vast range of chemicals such as:
Sodium Chloride.   Chlorine.    Magnesium.    Hydrogen.   Oxygen.   Carbon dioxide.  Plus numerous toxic metals.
Ultra violet light can create high levels of Ozone, another dangerous chemical.

Sodium Chloride:
Is a well known toxic chemical. It has caused many cases of poisoning sometimes with fatal effects. It can cause significant elevations in blood pressure which can be a precursor to a stroke due to lesions in the arteries. In animal studies it has caused significant foetal abnormalities and foetal death. It has been shown to be a gastric tumour promoter in experimental animals and has been associated with incidence of stomach cancer in humans.

COMA (1994). Nutritional Aspects of Cardiovascular Disease. Report of the Cardiovascular Review Group, Committee on Medical Aspects of Food and Nutrition Policy.
Ganry O., et al (1993) Effect of sodium bicarbonate and sodium chloride on arterial blood pressure, plasma renin activity and urinary prostaglandins in healthy volunteers. Journal of Hypertension 11 (suppl 5), S202-S203.
Mascioli S.,et al Gonzalez N., Elmer P. and Neaton J. (1991) Hypertension 17 (suppl. I), I-21-I-26.

Is a highly toxic gas commonly used to kill microbes in drinking water as well as for numerous industrial purposes. It reacts with other chemicals in water to form numerous other compounds.

It can cause a burning sensation or burns to exposed membranes, cough, dizziness, headache, breathing difficulties, nausea. Lung oedema may occur several hours following exposure. 90 ppm chlorine caused irritation of membranes of throat and mouth (U.S. EPA 1989). 1-3 ppm; moderate irritation of the upper respiratory tract at 5-15 ppm; immediate chest pain, vomiting, dyspnea, and cough
at 30 ppm; toxic pneumonitis and pulmonary edema at 40-60 ppm; death at 430 ppm for 30 minutes or 1000 ppm for a few minutes
(HSDB 1994).

Magnesium is the third most plentiful element dissolved in seawater. It may spontaneously ignite on contact with air or moisture producing irritating or toxic fumes

Magnesium toxicity can include changes in mental status, nausea, diarrhea, appetite loss, muscle weakness, difficulty breathing, extremely low blood pressure, and irregular heartbeat. Nordt S, et al. J Toxicol Clin Toxicol 1996;34:735-9.

Is a colorless, odorless, tasteless gas which makes it so dangerous due to its explosive properties. It forms part of water H2O.

It can be absorbed into the body by inhalation where high concentrations can cause an oxygen-deficient environment. Symptoms include headaches, ringing in ears, dizziness, drowsiness, unconsciousness, nausea, vomiting and depression of all the senses. The skin of a victim may have a blue color. Under some circumstances, death may occur. Pre-existing respiratory conditions may be aggravated by overexposure to hydrogen.

Is a colorless, odorless, tasteless gas which makes it so dangerous due to its explosive properties. It forms part of the molecule of water H2O along with hydrogen. This twin molecule contains two of the most explosive gasses known. It is plentiful in sea water and divers are well aware of its potential dangers.

Oxygen is well recorded in the literature as a cause of systemic toxicity, symptoms may be: muscle twitching and spasm, nausea and vomiting, dizziness, tunnel vision, hearing difficulties, irritability, confusion, anxiety, breathing problems, fatigue, incoordination, convulsion.

Carbon dioxide:
Carbon dioxide levels are increasing in the Oceans leading to acidification and the death of some marine creatures. The effects on human skin of acidic seawater remain undocumented but give cause for concern.

Inhalation of high concentrations of Carbon dioxide can lower the pH of the blood triggering effects on the respiratory, cardiovascular and central nervous systems CO2 exposure can give rise to a variety of effects, including an increase in inhalation rate, in heart rate and in blood pressure and it can induce cardiovascular effects. Mortality is most likely due to effects on the respiratory tract and oxygen supply.

High levels of CO2 such as at crowded venues with poor ventilation, can make people feel drowsy.

Some new research is indicating that high levels of CO2 combined with oxygen may cause DNA damage. Embo Reports, February 25, 2011.

Ozone consists of three oxygen atoms. Ozone in the lower atmosphere is an air pollutant. High levels have been detected around the Mediterranean, a popular sea bathing area.

It is a strong oxidant with harmful effects on plants, animals and humans. It has harmful effects on the respiratory system aggravating asthma. Ozone also makes you more sensitive to allergens that cause asthma attacks. Ozone can also aggravate chronic lung diseases like emphysema and bronchitis. It can inflame the lining of your lungs damaging the cells. There is a concern that the developing lungs of children repeatedly exposed to high levels of ozone may be damaged.


From the above, it can be seen that the Commissions advisers have a real concern over these matters and are formulating urgent legislation to stop the European population from having any contacts with sea water. Proposals so far are:

1. All marine craft will be provided with new health and safety data to safeguard both staff and passengers.

2. All cruise liners will be instructed to only use fresh water in swimming pools.

3. All seaside bathing pools using sea water will be closed.

4. All bathing beaches will be forced to display notices advising the public to wear total water proof clothing if going near the sea. It will be made a criminal offense to expose children under 16 years of age to sea water.

5. All sea salt manufacturers will be closed.

6. Small boat users will be advised to wear waterproof clothing at all times and to wash with fresh water immediately following contact with this noxious chemical brine.

7. A new EU funded scientific research centre will be established to conduct further research.

8. Many more specialists from EU countries will be recruited to advise the Commission. First class travel, hotels and conference fees will be paid and as usual no detailed accounts will be required.

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Title: Inhalation of toxic gases.

Target of alert: This alert is for pregnant mothers.

An EU directive is being formulated to advise pregnant woman:
1) Not to change the underwear of existing children.
2) Not to be in the same room when babies are discharging body wastes.
3) Not to allow their partners and visitors from discharging body gases commonly referred to in the English language as "farts".

After investigating world wide scientific literature, the Commissions scientific advisers have advised that there could be a risk of fetal toxicity following a mothers inhalation of the chemicals occurring in gastro intestinal tract gases. The reasons for this concern are:-

1. Feces and their gases contain significant amounts of:
Hydrogen Sulfide.   Carbon dioxide.    Methane.    Ammonia.

The toxicological effects of these chemicals are documented as follows:

Hydrogen Sulfide:
Hydrogen Sulfide is a highly toxic gas that is heavier than air. It can cause dizziness, unconsciousness and death. At low concentrations it may smell like rotten eggs, but at higher concentrations it deadens the sense of smell so that no odor can be detected.

In humans, hydrogen-sulfide gas is highly toxic and can be rapidly fatal. It is both an irritant and asphyxiant. Locally, it irritates the mucous membranes of the eyes and respiratory tract. Systemically, it affects the central nervous system and may cause paralysis of the respiratory center which usually results in death. There is very little experimental or human health data on long term exposures to low concentrations of hydrogen-sulfide. Beauchamp RO, Et al. CRC Critical Reviews in Toxicology, Vol. 13, No. 1, pages 25-97, 1984

All reported human cases of acute sulfide poisoning have arisen from inhalation of the gas, hydrogen-sulfide may have the greatest toxicological significance as potent inhibitors of cytochrome-oxidase. Smith RP, Gosselin RE Journal of Occupational Medicine, Vol. 21, No. 2, pages 93-97.

These authors conclude that inhalation of 5 parts per million of hydrogen-sulfide, might inhibit aerobic metabolism during exercise in males. Bhambhani Y et al. American Industrial Hygiene Association Journal, Vol. 57, No. 5, pages 464-468,1996.

Carbon dioxide:
Carbon dioxide is an odorless, tasteless gas that is heavier than air. It displaces the oxygen supply in the bloodstream, which can cause unconsciousness and death.

Methane is also a gas that is lighter than air. The primary hazard of methane gas is that it can create an explosive atmosphere. This gas also displaces oxygen.

Ammonia is a gas that is lighter than air. It has a pungent smell and can irritate the eyes and respiratory tract. Ammonia also displaces oxygen in the bloodstream.


Hydrogen, carbon dioxide and methane are made by the breaking down of undigested food in the large intestine. These gases in the digestive system have to escape somehow, so they come out as "farts".

Everyone has gas and eliminates it by burping or passing it through the rectum. Most people produce about 1 to 3 pints a day and pass gas about 14 times a day. In about one-third of all people, methane gas is produced.


Carbohydrates: Most foods that contain carboyhdrates can also cause gas.

Sugars: The sugars that cause gas are raffinose, lactose, fructose, and sorbitol.

Raffinose: Beans contain large amounts of this complex sugar. Smaller amounts are found in cabbage, brussels sprouts, broccoli, asparagus, other vegetables, and whole grains.

Lactose: This is the natural sugar in milk. It is also found in milk products, such as cheese and ice cream, and processed foods, such as bread, cereal, and salad dressing. Many people have low levels of the enzyme lactase needed to digest lactose after childhood. Also, as people age, their enzyme levels decrease. As a result, over time people may experience increasing amounts of gas after eating food containing lactose. See summary.

Fructose: Is naturally present in onions, artichokes, pears, and wheat. It is also used as a sweetener in some soft drinks and fruit drinks.

Sorbitol: Is a sugar found naturally in fruits, including apples, pears, peaches, and prunes. It is also used as an artificial sweetener in many dietetic foods and sugarfree candies and gums.

Starches: Most starches, including potatoes, corn, noodles, and wheat, produce gas as they are broken down in the large intestine. Rice is the only starch that does not cause gas.

Fibre (US Fiber): Many foods contain soluble and insoluble fiber. Soluble fiber dissolves easily in water and takes on a soft, gel-like texture in the intestines. Found in oat bran, beans, peas, and most fruits, soluble fiber is not broken down until it reaches the large intestine, where digestion causes gas.


From the above, it can be seen that the Commissions advisers have a real concern over these matters and are formulating urgent legislation to stop the European population from eating. In the meantime, we advise pregnant mothers to live apart from any young children, their partners and any other close friends or relatives. The best advice we can give is they hire a cabin by the seas for nine months and don't have contact with anyone.

* Feeding a baby with any form of milk is clearly contraindicated to avoid it producing gases that may affect its unborn sibling.

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An Email from a whistle blower in the EU.

Dear Sir,

I am an English translator in the commission. I have just seen new documents which show the commission and MEPs are in a state of megalomania and the public should know this.

The following are just a few of the proposed new regulations.

EEC harmonisation of labeling and protection of National identities regulations.

French mustard: This term will no longer be permitted unless the product is manufactured in France.

English mustard: Not permitted unless the product is made in the UK.

Dijon mustard: Must be made in the area of Dijon in France.

French fries: This term may no longer be used unless the prefixing National identity can be proven. It is recommended that this product is given non national terms for example, potato slices, fried potato slices, etc.

Pizza: This term must not be prefixed with 'Italian' unless the pizza BASE is made in Italy. Addition of ingredients in country of use is permitted.

Hot dogs: Term obsolete - new EU approved terms 'frankfurter rolls' 'sausage baguettes' and similar national terms.

Petite pois: This term can only be used for peas grown in France.

Peking duck: Term obsolete and misleading. In future it must either be called 'Beijing-style duck' and country of origin must be stated.

Milk shake: Must be replaced with 'emulsified desert syrup in milk'.

Yoghurt: May not be applied to flavoured milk deserts unless they are made to an EU approved formula.

Pavlova: Since this term originates in a non EC country, it is misleading. Therefore it must be replaced with EU appropriate terms such as 'sweet soft meringue'.

New potatoes: Must only be described as such if the are below 3 cm diameter and less than 2 weeks from soil extraction date. In addition, new toxicological and safety data will be published.

French beans: This term must not be used unless the beans originate in France. The suggested alternative is 'thin bush beans'.

Creme-de-menthe: To be renamed 'liqueur-de-menthe'.

Irish coffee liqueur: To be called as such only if made in Ireland.

Belgian chocolates: Must only be made in Belgium.

Nougat: Implies a product from France and therefore this term must cease unless the origin is France. The EU approved term is 'sweet confectionery with nuts'.


'Anti wrinkle cream/lotion, etc.' to be termed 'dermatological softening and rehydrating cream/lotion, etc.'


In view of the USA placing unacceptable import tariffs on EC member countries goods, the following regulations will be imposed.

All tobacco grown within EU borders will be free of all taxation. Tobacco imported from the USA and US dependencies will incur a 100% import tariff.

Bourbon whiskey and similar US liqueurs, beers and wines will be the subject of a 100% EC import duty. No travellers will be permitted to pass through EU borders unless this tariff is paid at port of entry or goods are forfeited to customs.

All USA wheat imports will be subjected to a 50% import duty.

To overcome the problem of national bread production. The EU will establish a 'bread directorate' which will produce standard formulas for bread using only EU approved sources of grains. Thus we can fulfill our aim of 'harmonisation' of all consumer goods and affairs throughout the community.


The commission plan on establishing some new directorates as private companies, but backed by low interest long term loans from the EU development fund. The immediate proposals are the following, but if successful more will be added at a later date:
The Bread Directorate.
The Fruit Directorate.
The Wine Directorate.
The Milk products Directorate.

Profits from these organisations will be free of all EU and national taxation.

All MEPs will be allocated free shares in these companies as an additional part of their benefit package. Shares will be allocated on length of service. The total allocation of each companies shares to MEPs will be 55%. The remainder to be traded on EC stock exchanges.

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New regulations for fruit and vegetable suppliers.

After investigating world wide scientific literature, the Commissions scientific advisers have advised that there could be a risk of toxicity following the consumption of many fruits and vegetables. The Commission are taking legal advice over the possibility of banning the sale of potatoes in particular, or restricting their sale to pharmaceutical outlets only. Another proposal being consulted on is that all those handling fruit and vegetables will be required to undertake a two year University course in botanical toxicology.

The reasons for these concerns are:-

1. Many commonly consumed foods within the community contain naturally occurring dangerous chemicals:
Solanine.   d-limonene.   

The toxicological effects of these chemicals are documented as follows:

These are a group of glycoalkaolids that occur in common and widespread foods such as potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, eggplant. The problem is that cooking does not reduce the toxins to a safe level as happens with some other plant toxins. It is not uncommon to see potatoes with green patches in suppliers shops - this is chlorophyl and indicates the produce has been over exposed to sunlight. In turn this indicates it is probable that high solanine levels are also present. Green potatoes can show concentrations of 1 mg/g or more. In these situations a single unpeeled potato can result in a dangerous dose.

Studies suggests that doses of 2 to 5 mg per kilogram of body weight can cause toxic symptoms, and doses of 3 to 6 mg per kilogram of body weight can be fatal. Symptoms usually occur 8 to 12 hours after ingestion, but may occur as rapidly as 30 minutes after eating.

Toxic effects are:
1. It irritants the mucous membranes of the alimentary tract leading to nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. These effects are frequently mistaken for an organism induced gastric upset and even doctors can be mislead into thinking it will clear in 24 hours.

2. It can heamolys red blood cells.

3. It can produce central nervous system stimulation followed by stupor and depression of the respiratory and motor centers.

4. Hallucinations, paralysis and hypothermia have been reported

5. It can cause conjunctivitis and inflammation of the mouth. Clarke, et al. Veterinary Toxicology. 2nd ed. 1981., p. 253.

6. In large doses it can cause cardiac arrest and death.

78 junior schoolboys in Britain became ill from solanine poisoning 7 to 9 hours after eating two small boiled peeled potatoes each. 17 were admitted to hospital with vomiting, diarrhea, and general abdominal pain. Most of the boys developed a fever, suffered from headache, dizziness, mental confusion, hallucinations and their vision was affected. Three boys were comatose and stuporose on admission, with peripheral circulatory collapse. Six days after eating the meal, plasma pseudocholinesterase levels in 10 out of 17 schoolboys were 25% below the normal range for this age group. The source of toxic potatoes was traced to a bag of old potatoes that had been condemned, but had inadvertently been cooked as peeling of the potatoes had been done by an automatic peeling machine. McMillan and Thompson, 1979 Critical reviews in Plant Sciences, 1997, 16 (1), 55-132.

This chemical occurs at high volumes in all citrus fruit peel oils and lower volumes in many other essential oils. It is frequently an ingredient of fruit cakes in the form of candied peel, in some fruit drinks, flavoured alcoholic drinks, dairy deserts and many other products.

Toxic effects are: Studies on rats have shown this chemical has nephrotoxic effects. Halder et al. 1984. Exposure to d-limonene causes a significant incidence of renal tubular tumors in male rats along with tubular cell necrosis & granular cast formation. Regul Toxicol Pharmacol.1991 Feb;13(1):70-86. Also a kidney toxicant, neurotoxin, gastrointestinal toxicant and respiratory toxicant.

D-Limonene is considered an eye and skin irritant and may cause skin sensitization when it is oxidized in the air. It can instigate immune system response that includes itching, burning, scaling, hives, and blistering.

In humans the substance seems to have an anti cancer action (Cancer Chemother Pharmacol (1998) 42: 111±117) which turns the use of all citrus fruits into "medicinal substances". Therefore, under EU medicines laws these fruits should only be available on the prescription of a qualified medical practitioner.


From the above, it can be seen that the Commissions advisers have a real concern over these matters and are formulating urgent legislation to stop the European population from purchasing the products above, and banning their open sale. In addition, the named chemicals clearly have medicinal actions which automatically place all the fruits and vegetables mentioned under Medicines Control regulations.
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